Roger and I have long suspected that Benjamin is over tired in the evening and that this tiredness is at the root of the screaming we experience. For a week or so now, we have successfully gotten Ben to nap for some or all of the witching hours. Tonight, I put him in his crib with a pacifier at 8:00 and he’s slept, at 9:00 he needed a diaper change, at 9:09 the pacifier fell out, and now, at 9:18 he’s taken another dose of Gripe Water and is resting comfortably in his crib, not screaming.
There is a LOT to learn about being a parent! The only way to really get to know Benjamin is through trial and error. I spend my whole day trying to figure out who he is, what he needs, and what’s the best thing to do with him. It is the toughest thing I’ve done in my life! People have asked me lately how I am, the real answer is that I’m more myself today than I’ve been in about 11 months. I didn’t enjoy being pregnant, my body reacted in some uncomfortable ways. The only part I enjoyed was feeling Benjamin grow and move inside me. Until recently, I didn’t enjoy being a mom. The recovery from the c-section took a toll on my body that I wasn’t fully aware of, nursing didn’t go well to start, Benjamin was screaming at night, my communication with Roger was strained, and I wasn’t getting enough sleep.
But now I’m feeling like I’m coming into my own as a mom. I’m regaining the confidence I lost when my birth didn’t go the way I hoped it would and I’m learning how to manage and enjoy my days with my son. I think one of the best things I did for myself is learn to take Benjamin with me where I want to go. I learned how to nurse discretely (although I still don’t want to nurse around high school students) and I made a super-transportable diaper bag that I can grab at a moment’s notice. I’m also slowly learning what Benjamin needs and learning to communicate with him successfully. I like guessing what he needs and asking him, “Do you want some food?” or “Is it the diaper?” Amazingly, he seems to recognize these phrases a bit and will calm when I say them.
The next step for me is to get a massage to work out the latent tension I’m carrying in my muscles. That and a regular exercise routine should get me even closer to feeling like my new normal self.
He had a check-up today with Dr. G-C and is in good general health. We need to keep him from resting on the right side of his head because he’s developed a bit of a flat spot. So, we’re to position him so he rests on the left-hand side of his head, or better yet, keep him upright, or give him some more tummy time. Dr. G-C gave him his first shot today. I (Marcie) was dreading it and was feeling pretty dumpy at the appointment. But it turned out to be OK, lots of crying, but he was hungry at the time too, so the crying ended with some nursing.
